Ten years ago, I left the job I’ve had for 16 years. The freedom! The excitement! All that time to do what I wanted to do that I never had time for because of work: reading, napping, knitting, watching hours of TV!
After a decade, the question that’s been coming up in my head is: if I had known this would be where I’d be in 10 years, would I have left my job?
The honest answer: yes and no.
The reality of not having a regular paycheck, bonuses, or new car updates would have scared me back then. It would have kept me staying where I was, trudging away and keeping myself, my family, and our future safe and secure.
And yet…
I wouldn’t have known the thrill of holding something I created in my own hands and shipping off piles of packages to women all over the country—and even the world.
I would not have learned to design my own website, edit videos, set up an online store, write a blog or newsletter as there would have been whole teams to set this up for the brands I was handling.
I would not have heard a heartfelt thank you from a client during a coaching session last week when she finally felt fulfillment, gratitude and joy in the things she was working towards.
But most importantly, I would not have known what I was capable of…
In terms of trusting and letting go of control.
In terms of surrendering old ideas about myself and how life is supposed to be.
In terms of embracing slow.
In terms of creating things that inspire people.
In terms of learning how to receive, how to support, how to open my heart, and love deeply.
If I didn’t say goodbye 10 years ago, I would still be that person looking at some version of this life being lived by someone else and wishing I had the courage to do what she’s doing.
And I think that’s what the last decade has given me: an expanded idea of life. Where I thought I would be was quite limited based only on what my too-small imagination could dream of then.
But where I ended up—this life of freedom, creativity, joy and love—was bigger than my imagination. And I’m proud of my courage, determination, perseverance, and ability to figure things out and make things happen.
I’m always grateful for that goal-getting past self. She was amazing—and her decisions and financial choices allowed me this decade of experimentation and creativity and slowing down.
I don’t know what will happen in the next 10 years. But what I know for sure is that my future self will be grateful for me for trying, for not giving up, for laying the foundation, no matter how imperfect. I know now what I didn’t know 10 years ago: that if I allowed myself to retreat because of fear, this would mean starting over again and negating the progress I had made. Taking two or three small steps forward is better than making an U-turn or staying where I started. Imperfect and slow progress is still progress.
So if you’re wondering about a big decision and whether it’s the right one, I want to let you know is that the answer will always be yes and no.
But if this decision allows you to
expand beyond your limits (including the limits of your imagination).
do something your future self would thank you for.
take steps towards that dream that just won’t stop asking, “what if, what if, what if.
Then maybe it’s time to trust yourself, trust your instincts, and trust in your ability to course-correct and figure things out.
