This time last year, I made this commitment as part of my Journey to 50:
I would exercise every day for the next three months.
And I did.
When that quarter was over, my body wanted to keep going. Since then, I’ve been exercising at least five days a week for the past year. I do yoga, Grow with Jo and Madfit videos, and a weekly one-hour Pilates studio session. During the hottest days of summer, I also added swimming to my routine.
I wish I could show you a dramatic transformation—my once-poochy belly now flat with well-defined abs.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
My tummy is still bloated and, while you can definitely feel the muscles when you poke it, it is still encased in a layer of fat.
Maybe my diet didn’t keep up with the workout.
Maybe I needed to do more.
Maybe I was doing the wrong things.
Maybe I needed the help of a fitness coach to guide me instead of DIY-ing my routine.
As I write this, I realized how superficial my goal was: I wanted to show off.
I wanted content for this newsletter so that I could smugly say, “look at how hard I worked.”
But I can’t do that today because the body I have now doesn’t look so different from the body I had last year.
Today, I also realized that I was looking at my body with the wrong eyes.
They were the eyes of my inner critic.
Because when I decided to see my body through a kinder and gentler lens, I saw the definition in my arms and the lean lines along my legs. I could see that the folds on my back were less pudgy. I could feel less jiggles as I moved through my routines. And I was amazed that I could finish classes where, in the past, I would groan and collapse midway in defeat. I also love it when my Pilates teacher would say to me, “You’re so strong!” And who knows what this year of working out has done for my heart and internal organs in terms of giving me more years to live?
My body has changed. Even if the spirit prefers to lounge in K-drama stupor on the couch, the flesh craves daily movement.
My body has changed.
And I am reminded not to fall into the easier habit of being hard on myself.
Of seeing only the negative.
Of being a show-off.
Of being so critical.
Of being so attached to the results.
Of relying on people’s praise, approval, or Instagram hearts for my decisions.
My body has changed.
And today, I celebrate my strength and my perseverance. But most importantly, I want to remember the joy of doing a workout to a One Direction medley or how the water feels on my skin on a sizzling summer day or the beauty of the moon during an evening walk or even that excruciatingly hard barre workout punctuated by giggles because I was doing it with a good friend.
My body has changed.
The hard work isn’t as visible as I had hoped. But the inside—the part of me that honors and respects herself and her body—that has changed forever.
May you look at yourself, your body, your career, and your life with kinder and gentler eyes.
May you continue to show up for what’s important because of your belief in the value of what you’re doing and not because of the results.
May you continue to trust in the unseen, tiny, under-appreciated things you do and how much they matter.
May you continue to believe that each step you take, no matter how small, will bring you forward on this path where your future self is waiting to welcome you with pride for not giving up.
