I get asked this question a lot because a lack of confidence seems to be the block to making things happen and achieving things that matter to you. (Our colonial trauma of making ourselves small and being subservient is still making its presence felt!)
Here’s a very simple answer: Confidence comes from doing the thing. It doesn’t come from affirmations or cheerleading. It comes from action.
Action makes you realize that all the fears and worries that you’ve built up in your head simply exist there—and are not actual realities.
Let me give you an example:
In last year’s Write Away retreat, I was crying as I shared my fears about editing the novel I wrote but had not looked at since I wrote the words “the end” in 2022. I asked my fellow writers: What if I read my book again and it’s not good? What if I don’t know how to make it better? What will happen to the story I have about myself that I’m a writer?
But in that safe and nurturing space where we were trusted to hold writing dreams tenderly and lovingly, I courageously opened my manuscript and read it through. I became thoroughly entertained and enchanted again with my characters. The flaws of the story which had loomed so large in my head like my first boss who loved to shout at us wasn’t as intimidating or as overwhelming as I thought. I started making minor spelling and grammar edits during the retreat—tasks that were low stakes and easy. When I got home, I read books on how I can improve my story’s pacing, and made bigger and harder adjustments, like cutting out whole paragraphs that didn’t work and adding more chapters to move it forward.
Today, I’m adding more details to make the story and characters come alive. The tears and fears I had during Write Away are a distant memory. I’m confidently tackling the challenges of this manuscript.
If you can’t find a safe space like Write Away to hold you with care, tenderness, and even some humor, then create it for yourself. You can start with these easy steps:
1. Stop wallowing in your worries and fears. Ask yourself instead: What are your hopes for this project?
2. Be curious and journal about failure: What are the consequences of failure? If you fail, what’s the worst that can happen?
3. Ask: What step would your future step be proud that you took today? And then take it.
There is no need to share the steps you’re taking unless it’s with people who love and support you unconditionally. You—and your future self—can be your own cheerleader.
Here’s one last thought on confidence: At the end of it all, you can tell yourself—I gave myself a fighting chance. I did not give up on me.
There will be no regrets or what-ifs.
And here’s one last image I want leave you with: Your future self is waiting for you, smiling and confident, knowing that it was the small steps taken consistently that will lead you to her.
