I’ve been meditating for years and I don’t feel calmer.
I’ve been writing in my journal and I’m not feeling the life-changing magic everyone is talking about.
I exercise regularly but I’m still not losing weight.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
This reminds me about something the director of our coaching program told us about the pace of change. She said that sometimes change happens at the pace of an eyedropper.
Imagine a Mason jar and filling it up using an eyedropper. If you keep looking at the container, it feels like it will take forever to even reach halfway. But if you continue using the eyedropper and just focus on the task at hand, removing your eyes from the jar, you will be surprised at how it will be more full than empty when you next take a look.
When I first heard that, I felt discouraged. What? That’s so slow! I want things to move faster. And in our instant gratification world, where self-help books promise you goal achievement if you diligently focus on your habits, an eyedropper pace is unacceptable.
I remembered how it was when I first started my business. My clients were just a trickle and wondering if any of our coaching sessions actually had any impact. YEARS later, they would then come back to me and tell me how the thing they wanted to happen (the career change, the relationship shift, the leadership position, the boyfriend-turned-husband, the big dream) actually became a reality.
Imagine if I had given up on myself and my business then. I would not have been there to celebrate the impact my coaching had on their lives and then guide and support them on the next stage of their growth.
Things take the time they need to take. Just as we don’t force our children to hold up their heads or even walk before they’re ready or our plants to emerge from their seed by overwatering or over-fertilizing, then maybe we can practice the same patience and kindness towards ourselves and our endeavors.
So should you give up on these habits?
Absolutely not.
Here’s what you can do instead:
1. Take your eyes off the goal (what a difficult thing to do for us overachievers!). Focus on making the habit itself the goal. See how it can add more joy and love to your life (since those are the ultimate goals anyway, right? Why do we want more money, a hotter body, an amazing relationship, a fulfilling career? To be happy and to be loved!).
Choose another guided meditation that’s more meaningful. Enroll in a journaling course(as I did when I wanted a more inspiring journaling practice). Purchase a cute new outfit to exercise in. Try a whole new workout (my daughter B and I did an Aerial Hammock class last weekend and it was super fun!).
2. Change the way you look at your results. Maybe meditation isn’t making you calmer but making you more aware of your thoughts and your moods and thus allowing you to make different choices. Maybe journaling isn’t magic but is helping you feel lighter every time you write (and that in itself is already a gift). Maybe you’re not losing weight by exercising but your jeans actually fit better, you’re getting stronger and you’re doing longer workouts every week.
3. Add. Going back to when my clients were just a trickle, I offered more services that brought in more revenue. These became such a joy for me: the Write Away retreat, my workshops, courses and journals.
Is there something you want to add to your habit to move the eyedropper along or make the process more fun? For example, meditation + reading an inspiring book, journaling + stickers, exercise + a friend to do it with.
4. Subtract. Or maybe there’s something you need to let go that’s impeding the pace of change. Some ideas: the insidious voice of your inner critic and your persistence in listening to it rather than in the voice of your inner wise self. “Friendships” that make you feel bad. Your social media habit that forces you to compare yourself to everyone all day long.
5. And finally think of your intentions behind your goals. Ask yourself: Is my intention ego-driven or aligned with my Higher Self? What will this change actually do for my life? Does the goal add more love, joy, peace, freedom (or whatever your values are) to my life? As Marianne Williamson so eloquently asked: Are you walking in the direction of love or walking in the direction of fear? (Maybe there is actually no point to filling up that Mason jar.)
By asking these questions, you can find another way of doing these habits or find new habits or even goals that can better serve you and your intentions.
By doing all of these, you will look back at this moment years from now and say, I’m glad I didn’t give up because look at how far I’ve come.
