When I was planning my blog editorial calendar for the month, I decided to focus my topic on difficult emotions. Many of my clients have come to me for coaching about feeling more positive despite anger or sadness. They are uncomfortable with the presence of these feelings and want to know how to deal.
I didn’t know that I would have to deal with anger and sadness this month.
I was feeling very sad a few years ago. My life turned upside down with my mom getting cancer, her eventual death and my separation from my husband. But with counseling, a regular gratitude practice and acceptance of what is, I eventually made myself back to joy and peace, a place I couldn’t even have imagined being during those difficult years.
Now, my father is making choices that we don’t agree with. I actually thought his choices would not affect my life in any way. The funny thing about family is that there will always be consequences, no matter how much you hope otherwise.
So what did I do to deal? As I coach, so I must do.
1. I was gentle with myself. I listened to what my body wanted. I took some time to be alone, to write, to sleep. I focused on and was grateful for what was positive in my life.
2. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. When the tears fell, I allowed myself to lean into the sadness and just cried and cried for all that we had lost and how much our lives had changed.
When my childhood baggage and resentment came up, I allowed that as well. I cursed and cried some more. I remembered the teenager that I was and how unworthy I felt. And when I was calmer…
3. I honored how far I had come and remembered that both my parents were just trying their best with what they had.
4. I accepted the new normal. I know that my dad has the right to live his life and that he deserves happiness. Even if I don’t like the situation or how it makes me feel, I accept this is what his life looks like now. I also accept that his choices have nothing to do with me.
5. I chose to come from a place of love. What my dad needs now is love and support and not judgment and contempt. I can choose to be mean or to be kind. Always, always, I try to choose kindness.
As my Daily Om horoscope said today, “So know that tenderness is at the root of your feelings today, and allow the light of love to lead the way through frustration and back to joy. ”
This is lovely, Aurora. Definitely something that all of us can benefit from reading. I often have to remind myself to adhere to the same guidance, suggestions, and perspectives that I offer my clients! Great read!! 🙂