So you’ve decided to be happy. You’ve dumped the things (fears, blocks, mindsets, even people) that are making you feel bad. You make time to do what you love. You’ve Konmari’d your closet and your life. You meditate. You do your gratitude practice. Your self-care rituals are epic. Everything in your life should be sparking joy.
But it’s not.
There are still times when you feel bored, anxious, sad, depressed. Sometimes it’s too much effort to even think positively. You look at your life and see what’s missing (did you throw out something essential when you did your Konmari cleanse?). You’re not happy 100% of the time.
What’s happening?
1. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to be happy.
You’ve followed everyone else’s prescription for happiness by reading the self-help books and following the advice. Instead of looking at happiness as the destination, look at this period as a process. Consider what gives YOU joy, not because someone else prescribed it.
And maybe it’s time to lighten up. Pressure and force are not the ways to happiness. Letting go, finding joy when you can and choosing happiness in the moment are.
“Happiness in this world, when it comes, comes incidentally. Make it the object of pursuit, and it leads us a wild-goose chase, and is never attained. Follow some other object, and very possibly we may find that we have caught happiness without dreaming of it.” Nathaniel Hawthorne
2. Allow that you’re human and that means there’s room for emotions other than joy.
You’re human and you’re allowed to feel all the emotions that come up. If something disappoints you, allow that. When there’s injustice, be angry. When your heart is breaking, be sad. Know that it’s okay to not be happy all the time.
You don’t need to be defined by your emotions—whether it’s happiness, sadness, fear, depression, anxiety, anger. It’s just one part of you and does not make you who you are.
“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” Carl Jung
3. You’re just having a bad day, not a bad life.
You don’t need to be defined by your bad days or challenges either. Know that there is a lot in life that can be celebrated as well—your ability to figure things out, your resilience, your courage, grace.
So breathe. Have compassion for yourself. Know that this too shall pass.
“Maybe it’s not about having a beautiful day, but about finding beautiful moments. Maybe a whole day is just too much to ask. I could choose to believe that in every day, in all things, no matter how dark and ugly, there are shards of beauty if I look for them.” Anna White, Mended: Thoughts on Life, Love and Leaps of Faith
4. You’re putting too much attention and energy on yourself instead of serving others.
Hey, try this. What if you stop focusing on you and your happy life and instead start serving others? Put the word “serve” at the top of a page and see what ideas come up so you can start doing kind and loving things for others instead of just yourself.
“True happiness comes not from a limited concern for one’s own well-being, or that of those one feels close to, but from developing love and compassion for all sentient beings.” Dalai Lama
5. How is your spiritual connection?
We are spiritual beings having a material experience. And sometimes we forget that. What if you also give attention and energy to your spiritual life—through prayer or communication with the divine being that you believe in?
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
6. You’re comparing yourself to others.
You’re allowing others to define what happy looks like. Keep your eyes on your own lane. Get off the social media train once in a while. Celebrate what makes YOU happy, even if it’s not Instagrammable.
“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” Lao Tzu
7. Laugh more. Learn more. Live more.
You’ve seen this on postcards and Pinterest boards over and over. Instead of rolling your eyes, ask yourself:
What will make you laugh more? (Hanging out with your funny colleague? An episode of “Friends”? Indulging in a Friday evening cocktail?)
What will make you learn more? (Googling? Finding an online course that’s fun and frivolous? Reading a book because the cover and title intrigue you?)
What will make you live more? (Finding pockets of time within your day for your passion? Spending more time connecting with people? Being in the moment instead of multitasking?)
“Laughter is an instant vacation.” Milton Berle
